Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
