Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
