Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
