wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
