her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he thought i was a dude.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
