shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
