how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
