a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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