do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
