I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
