You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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