We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
