WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
