Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
