so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
