I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
