thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He better not be in your backpack
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
