Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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