I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
