I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
