I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
