If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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