So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
