Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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