Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
