If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
