Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
