yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
