you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
