Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
