obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
