I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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