She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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