Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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