Kiss
Puke
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
