You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I enjoy the company of your penis
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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