We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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