I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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