Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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