Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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