haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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