Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
