I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
