You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
