Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
