Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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