As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
