I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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