dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's official drugs can't kill me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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