People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
