God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
