I'm going to jail i love you
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
