in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
