if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
