You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
